I found these tidbits in a JavaScript Kit script. I didn't need the script, but thought some of these too good not to share:

• Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
• Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
• Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
• I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
• We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
• Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
• Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
• Did anyone see my lost carrier?
• Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
• I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
• He who laughs last thinks slowest!
• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
• Save the whales, collect the whole set
• A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
• Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
• There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
• Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
• Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
• Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
• I wont rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
• Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
• Double your drive space - delete Windows!
• What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
• If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
• Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
• Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
• Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
• Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
• I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
• Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
• I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
• A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
• Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
• The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
• When there's a will, I want to be in it.
• Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
• Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
• I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
• We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
• All generalizations are false, including this one.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
• Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
• "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates 81
• 90% of all statistics are made up
• A man needs a good memory after he has lied.
• A little work, a little sleep, a little love and it is all over.
• A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
• Apple ©6024 b.c., Adam & Eve
• Apple ©1767, Sir Isaac Newton.
• "Bad knee, gotta run" - Pat Buchanan to his draft board
• Beam me aboard, Scotty..... Sure. Will a 2x10 do?
• Beulah, peel me a grape.
• Bother, said Pooh as the brakes went out!
• Build a watch in 179 easy steps - by C. Forsberg.
• C++ should have been called B
• COINCIDENCE happens.
• Calvin, we will not have an anatomically correct snowman!
• Careful. We don't want to learn from this. -- Calvin
• Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.