Life Rules

  1. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
  2. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  3. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  4. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
  5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
  6. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
    (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)
  7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
  8. If you look like your passport picture, you need the trip.
  9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
  10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
  11. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
  12. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
  13. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
  14. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
  15. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.