According to news.com.au and The Sunday Telegraph, Australian “BUREAUCRATS have drawn up an official list of intoxication symptoms, so pub owners can tell when patrons are drunk.” As a public service I am republishing this list, as I am certain that visitors to this site have many opportunities to observe such behavior. Please use it to ensure compliance with your local legal and/or social standards!

The 39 signs of drunkenness are:

1. Slurring words
2. Rambling or unintelligible conversation
3. Incoherent or muddled speech
4. Loss of train of thought
5. Not understanding normal conversation
6. Difficulty in paying attention
7. Unsteady on feet
8. Swaying uncontrollably
9. Staggering
10. Difficulting walking straight
11. Cannot stand or falling down
12. Stumbling
13. Bumping into or knocking over furniture and people
14. Lack of co-ordination
15. Spilling drinks
16. Dropping drinks
17. Fumbling change
18. Difficulty counting money or paying
19. Difficulty opening doors
20. Inability to find one's mouth with a glass
21. Rudeness
22. Aggression
23. Belligerent
24. Argumentative
25. Offensive
26. Bad tempered
27. Physically violent
28. Loud or boisterous
29. Confused
30. Disorderly
31. Exuberance
32. Using offensive language
33. Annoying or pestering others
34. Overly friendly
35. Loss of inhibition
36. Inappropriate sexual advances
37. Drowsiness or sleeping at a bar or table
38. Vomiting
39. Drinking rapidly

Hmmm… Rambling or unintelligible conversation, Argumentative, Inappropriate sexual advances? Several of the people I know exhibit many of these signs before they are served!