Someone miscalculated my change.

Vendor: We're at the floor
Rob: Then they're in the basement

48 Laws? Thats a lot of laws… even God got it down to 10.

(Asked of a mother) “How do you know your son goes to strip-clubs?”
(Answered by her co-worker) “He's overdrawn every month…”

Is marijuana really a gateway drug to heroin? I don't think so; thats like saying oral is the gateway to anal.

“The simultaneous selling of securities to customers and shorting them because they believed they were going to default is the most cynical use of credit information that I have ever seen,” said Sylvain R. Raynes, an expert in structured finance at R & R Consulting in New York. “When you buy protection against an event that you have a hand in causing, you are buying fire insurance on someone else’s house and then committing arson.”

I do better on my 3rd bottle of wine…

I'm dreaming of a white christmas - but if the white runs out I'll drink the red!

The reason that 'guru' is such a popular word is because 'charlatan' is so hard to spell.

Linda: You should see what's hanging over our bed...
Paul: What, the Sword of Damocles?